4 Years

It's been 4 years.

4 Years since my father died. I don't cry at the drop of dime anymore. I don't see him in my dreams anymore. I don't feel him as often anymore. And I am sad.

I wonder what he would say of the life that I have now. Would he be happy for me? Would he have like my husband?

I'm still mad that he left. That I was denied the simple custom of my father walking me down the aisle. I still feel so jipped.

4 years. I have buried myself in work. I have tried to bury myself in life. I try not to think about it, because if I do I cry.

Yet I sit here tonight and I cry. I want answers. I wanna know why. I NEED to know why.

I want him back. I want the time that I lost back. I want to not see the images in my head. I want to not see my mother crying and the phone call sounds to leave. I want the movie in my head to stop playing. I want to call his house and herar him pick up the phone. I want to hear him talk to me every birthday and give me his "Birthday Speech".

God I miss him.